How do you teach yourself to be disciplined, to do the miserable grown up things everyone has to do; like eating vegetables, taking vitamins, getting exercise, & doing jobs you don’t want to do? I’ve recently come to realize that I’ve spent my entire life avoiding things I don’t particularly like to do or giving the bare minimum effort so that I can just squeak by. I’ve often followed the path of least effort, building a cozy sheltered little world for myself with very little demands and unfortunately I’ve been able to get away with this for the majority of my life. You’d think that always finding a way out of doing stuff you don’t like would make for a happy life but actually it doesn’t because a lot of the things in life that you really want require WORK of some sort. Building a decent life takes work and discipline, two things I’ve never been big on. I don’t even take advantage of natural talents because what if I were actually to succeed at something? Success means work. It’s much easier to withdraw into daydreams. Lately though I’ve begun to realize I can’t just coast along settling for whatever comes my way just because it’s easiest. I have to actually get out in the world and put some effort into building the life of my dreams, building myself into the person I know I was actually meant to be. The question in my mind though is how to begin, how to break a lifetime of taking the easy route, doing whatever strikes my fancy at the moment, and generally being undisciplined & unfocused? Any suggestions?

This friday I didn’t get a chance to create a theme or edit a series of photos for photofriday. I was too busy seeing the Sex and the City movie, working on crafts, and going out for the evening with my husband. Such a nice day! So anyway, here are a few random photos I already had edited and stored on my computer. Enjoy!(or so I hope,lol)

Have a great weekend!

photo by Kathy Goedeken

My husband fell asleep early tonight and I snuggled up next to him to watch P.S. I love you (the Hilary Swank movie about a young widow coping with her husband’s death). Needless to say I found myself crying through a good third of the movie, but I did like it. The best part though was finishing the movie and having my groggy, sleep warmed husband roll over and wrap his arms around me. I am so lucky to have him. I remind myself of that every day. Life is too short and nothing is more important than love, especially loving and appreciating the people in your life. Nothing is better than being able to hug someone you love or just being able to spend time with them. Love is the most beautiful, terrifying, courageous experience a person can have.

My deepest fear is losing my husband. The thought of such a wonderful person being gone from my life gives me nightmares yet I know that someday, one of us will be left behind. I just hope that we have many many years together before that happens and deep in my heart I know that love really never ends. Death will someday separate us for a time but love is eternal. Each day I try to remind myself to be grateful for the small things: a hug, a smile, a word, the touch of a hand. I don’t think there’s anything in life more important than these fleeting moments.

“I don’t have enough words, but I want to wish to all of you: Try to find happiness in every day. At least once, smile to each other every day. And say just one extra time that you love the person who lives with you. Just say ‘I love you’. It’s so Great. So important.” Katia Gordeeva’s speech at Celebration of a Life, a tribute to her late husband/partner Sergei Grinkov who died suddenlyof a heart attack at the age of 28 while practicing for an ice skating show.

We just got back from a short visit to Sequoia National Forest, an impromptu trip just to escape from the normal routine and enjoy Memorial Day. It was really lovely, particularly since we got to see the redwoods while snow fell gently down on us. Granted, it was a bit cold and wet but still wonderful. I have never smelled air so clean and fresh. What a relaxing way to spend the holiday together. I love taking trips with my husband :).

For this weeks photofriday theme I decided to give you a glimpse into my world. I’ve spent alot of time photographing the beaches in Dana Point because we live just a short walk from there on the edge of Dana Point and San Juan Capistrano. It’s a very lovely place and I wanted to share a little bit of my world:) ! Most of these photos are a year or so old. I have a bunch of new photos I’d love to upload but unfortunately my photoshop program isn’t working tonight for some reason. I guess I’ll just save the newer photos for another Friday. Have a great weekend everyone!

I really love my husband

Just a quick update because I’ve challenged myself to post every Monday, Wednesday & Friday. What I really want to do is settle in and watch Roman Holiday which is about to come on Turner Classic Movies :).

Over at Inspire Me Thursday the theme for this week is Crayons, which inspired me to go out and buy my first box of 64 crayons in about 25 years. I also picked up a coloring book. As soon as I cracked open the box of crayons I was transported back to the age of 5. I absolutely loved the smell of crayons as a child. I spent a lot of time drawing & painting pictures of ladies in big flowered muumuu dresses (based on my grandmother I think) usually in gardens of tall flowers. I could spend all my time creating “art” and I didn’t limit myself to just crayons. I remember getting some inexpensive finger paints as a gift from one of my uncles when I was about 4 and loving it more than any of my other gifts. Sadly, around the time I went to school I lost my passion for drawing. I realized that I was drawing the same things over and over again and got dissatisfied. I had reached the limits of what I could figure out how to draw on my own and no one thought to try and teach me ways to create new things. I also began comparing my art to other peoples and I found mine lacking. Since I couldn’t figure out how to create the beautiful things I saw all around me and I felt that my creations weren’t as good as everyone elses anyway, I stopped drawing and painting. Around that same time I also learned to read and had a whole new love, this time for stories, and creating art fell by the wayside. Looking back, I’m sad that I never allowed myself to develop or explore my artistic side. I suppose that’s what I’m working on doing now. So anyway, thanks to Inspire Me Thursday, I bought a box of crayons and a coloring book and I colored a picture. About5 minutes into coloring I remembered another reason I stopped making art as a kid. I don’t actually like working with crayons. They never gave me the look I wanted. I like using paints, markers, & colored pencils much more. I also don’t particularly like coloring in other peoples drawings. Coloring books bored me. I did manage to force myself to finish the coloring page and then I decided to have some real fun and do something I’ve wanted to do since I was a kid and accidentally left my crayons in the sun. I melted my crayons. Well actually I first shredded the prettiest blue crayons in the box, threw in a dash of silver, and then melted them. The resulting slab of wax is lovely and I did have a great deal of fun making it. I’m not quite sure yet what I will use it for, maybe I’ll cut it into a pretty shape or frame it or something. Haven’t decided yet. I did learn something from this exercise (besides that I don’t like coloring inside the lines). I want to branch out in my attempts at artistry. I want to try all the different kinds of art supplies. I want to play around and find what I enjoy making. And this time I’m not going to compare myself to others. I’m just going to enjoy the process.

My little creations with crayons, so far (may edit this tomorrow if I think of something else to try):

My attempt at coloring within the lines

Shredded crayons

Ocean Reverie, my melted crayon creation

Now I’m off to watch Audrey Hepburn charm Gregory Peck in Roman Holiday. Such a lovely movie!

We’re lucky here in Southern California to have three or four renaissance fairs here every spring. My husband and I usually go to all of them. I love to look at all the craft items and we both enjoy taking photos of all the people in costumes. So for my first photofriday I’ve decided to post some of the photos I’ve taken at these faires. Mainly they are just candid shots of people or performers wandering around in the crowds. Most of the photos I take at fairs are things I mean to use as stock photos for creating digital art. Even though they aren’t the greatest photos I decided to slap some borders on them and share them anyway. Here they are :

For quite awhile now I’ve had a touch of the doldrums: no motivation, a general lack of direction, lethargy, & stagnating creativity. I wouldn’t classify this as a depression but more like a time of hibernation. I’ve been lost in limbo, full of ideas about things I might want to accomplish someday in the far distant future but never taking action to actually make those dreams a reality. I guess I’ve been waiting for the inspiration fairy to sprinkle me with fairydust and magically I’d be transformed. I’d awaken some morning full of energy, brimming with excitement and ready to take on the world as I reinvent myself into the person I’ve always dreamed of being. Well, I have to admit to myself that that just ain’t gonna happen. I’ve decided that it’s up to me to pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again. I’ve got to put one foot in front of the other and start moving forward, even if I have to take baby steps at first. I’ve read in other people’s journals about how they are setting challenges for themselves: a month of daily journaling, a week of creating new art projects, a day of silence, etc. Now I am going to do the same thing. Here are my first babysteps.

From May 15th- Sept. 15th I’m going to challenge myself to these three things:

• Move my (ever expanding) backside each day. I need more exercise!!
• Start PHOTO FRIDAYS here at my journal & post at least 10 photographs every friday afternoon
• Post a new journal entry here every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday so I get in the habit of writing regularly

Of the three challenges, making some kind of exercise a daily activity will be the hardest for me to stick with but it’s also the most important. I think I can manage the other two challenges pretty easily and hopefully by the time summer is over I’ll have made all three activities a part of my regular routine. Then I can move on to other challenges!

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door

You never will get where you’re going
If you never get up on your feet
Come on, there’s a good tail wind blowing
A fast walking man is hard to beat

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door

If you want to change your direction
If your time of life is at hand
Well don’t be the rule be the exception
A good way to start is to stand

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door

If I want to change the reflection
I see in the mirror each morn
You mean that it’s just my election
To vote for a chance to be reborn

song from Santa Claus is coming to town

Kelley over at her wonderful blog, Dragonfly Reflections, tagged me to do a 5×5 meme as a way to get to know people better. I was so surprised to be reading her journal and come across a tag to my own! Sometimes I feel pretty alone at my little blog and it was so nice to know that other people know I’m here. Okay, here are my answers:

5 things found in your bag:

SPF 45 Sunblock

A small book of William Wordsworth’s poetry

A copy of my marriage license

A necklace I strung together of polished stones with a claddagh charm holder and several talismans (the stones are manly amethyst, rose quartz, blue calcite, garnet, citrine and jasper chosen for various healing properties)

The most used item in my purse is probably my Canon Powershot A650 camera

Here’s a photo of EVERYTHING currently in my purse

5 favorite things in your room (art studio)

Unfortunately the majority of my favorite things are in storage. We’re currently living someplace tiny and all my lovely treasures are waiting in boxes in a storage unit until we move to another place but here are photos of a few of my favorite things.

My sleeping husband, definitely my favorite “thing” in our room, the world, and the universe!

So convenient! I can take photos, talk to my husband, text my mom, browse the internet and listen to songs like Son of a Preacher Man! If only it could also serve me a snack :).

My husband and I don’t watch many tv shows, unless it’s British reruns or home decoratingshows. Instead we watch tons of movies, some that we own like the ones in this photo and more that we rent and have delivered to us each week from Blockbuster. We love to snuggle up on our bed and watch movies.

I just love to read and can’t pick just one as my favorite, so I’m listing ALL my books & magazines as favorites. I have piles of them stacked everywhere in my room.

My three hamsters sit beside my computer in our room, definitely some of my favorite “things”.

5 things I have always wanted to do

• Travel, particularly to the British isles, Italy, and Boston/Concord Massachusetts
• Own my own cozy, light filled home with a little walled garden (in recent years this has been upgraded to a small horse farm with a pond, dreaming big here! )
• Have something I’ve written (or created, photographed, etc) published
• Learn to swim
• Create beauty in the world

5 things I am currently into:

• Planning for a June visit from some of my family members!
• Getting in touch with my spirituality through mediation/prayer, inspirational reading, creating art
• Photography! I love taking photos. I just wish I also loved uploading and organizing them
• Beginning an exercise regime, still in the thinking stages on this but very soon I want to start practicing yoga & get back into walking
• Journaling. Besides my blog(which I need to update more!), I recently started a hardbound journal for very personal journaling & art

5 People I want to tag: I don’t know if they’ll really be interested in doing this, but here are 5 bloggers I’d love to know more about!

Mighty Minx

Diet Girl

Even Star

Squilla (by the way, would LOVE your email since I can’t seem to post comments at your journal. Miss hearing from ya!)

Muntahz